A year ago today we stopped talking. Can you believe it?

As soon as I got home from work that night I knew I had to go talk to you. Saturday night we had done our usual—dinner, cocktails, hanging out. That was our MO. And honestly, I loved every minute of it. But that night hadn’t quite ended how I thought it would. Riding home in the Uber, I found myself at a precipice where I realized the status quo couldn’t go on any longer.

And that’s how I found myself waiting outside your door a year ago today.

I know we weren’t dating, per se. We were in a gray zone. Friends with benefits. Dinner partners. Cooking buddies. Occasional lovers. But really we were just friends.

It worked for a while that way. But I knew it could never last. Eventually one of us was going to come out of the friend zone. Unfortunately, it was you.

It’s kind of crazy we grew up 20 miles apart and never knew it. Your high school was our rival in quiz league—not that you would know, that really wasn’t your scene. For four years we cohabitated the same campus without crossing paths once. But if geography didn’t destine us to meet, fate sure did. In 2014 I was new Washingtonian that needed a ride home for the holidays and you were an even newer Washingtonian going in the direction of home. So there we were.

And soon we were inseparable.

I hadn’t really dated in college so ‘boyfriend’ didn’t quite roll off the tip of my tongue. It took some getting used to. But I liked it.

I liked you. You were different.

You aren’t another Type A Washingtonian. That in and of itself was the breath of fresh air I didn’t know I needed. You are an architect…an architect! You could have taken a job anywhere you wanted to after college. You have the means to leave so if things didn’t work out you could always pick up and go. And yet, you chose the District.

I don’t think you appreciated how utterly fascinated I was by this. I assumed everyone came to DC for one of two reasons: to be in politics or to be near the action. This is…*was….the capital of the free world after all. Whether you’re here for the Hill or K Street, you are here because you want to be close to it all. Rational people with non-political, non-governmental career aspirations don’t come to DC voluntarily…or so that’s what I thought.

You were the first non-government person I met who came to DC by choice.

And you didn’t see DC like I see DC—a city filled with career minded elitists driven by the allure of power and prestige. Your DC is a flight of beer at Blue Jacket, happy hour at Pearl Dive after work, splurging on dinner at minibar, and that egregious display of architectural opulence you helped bring to life at 1789 Massachusetts Avenue. You see the vibrant culture and life DC has to offer. But what you didn’t realize is that for the first time, you made me see it too.

That fundamentally changed me…continues to change me.

I can’t say that I ever loved you. But I loved what you exposed me to. I loved going to the Basque tapas bar one night and a low-key Ethiopian dive the next. I loved how you taught me about different types of wine and how they paired with food. I loved that you taught me how to make your grandma’s homemade peirogies. But most of all, I loved how you didn’t judge me for being a vegetarian. You embraced it.

Cooking has always been/still is my number one passion. But I suppressed it. I always thought someone like me couldn’t waste perfectly good intellect on culinary school. Cooking was just a hobby, not a respectable career. Right?

You made me realize passion and career can be one and the same.

I think I took that for granted. After only a couple months of officially dating, I ended it. Like I said I never really dated in college. But during the time we were together I was going through an identity crisis, professionally. You didn’t understand—and still don’t understand—how difficult it was for me to go through. So in a moment of insecurity I ended it and opened the door to the two-year gray zone friendship that followed.

A year ago today I rushed to your apartment to talk to you because I finally realized I wanted you. But not just that I wanted you—I needed you. You made me fall in love with food. It’s only proper that we conquer the DC food scene together, right?

I wish you had seen our friendship was worth protecting. That I was worth something to you, but you didn’t.

I walked out of your apartment and you closed the door behind me. This was the moment when it all came to an end…

…a year ago today.